I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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