Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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