You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
