the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
