You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
