Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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