I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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