recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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