But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
