Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
