You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
