I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
