In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
