oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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