but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
