You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Farmville is her only friend.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
