So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
