If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
