I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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