I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i will never coherently bang her
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
