I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
