Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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