His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
