Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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