dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm just crazy horny about you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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