when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
