i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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