I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Oh god it's open bar.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
