My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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