my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
