escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
