so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
