I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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