What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
