I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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