I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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