Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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