He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
