fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
