I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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