forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize