There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
