I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
