Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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