Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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