You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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