I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
