I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
