Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
