oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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