I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
