he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your penis caused this!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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