Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
