So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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