Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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