1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
