I only kidnapped one of them. chill
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
