You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
