if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
