I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
