Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
