I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
