glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
