I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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