You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
