she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
