doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
