yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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