All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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