Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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