I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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