He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
