Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
