bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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