dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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