I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
