How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
