Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
