remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize