I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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