we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize