Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
