If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
