I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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