At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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