Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
