very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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