nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
