she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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