My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
