I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
