yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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