so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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