he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize