Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
