So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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