Your face is a jimmy john
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
