I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Holy shit dude........stairs
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
