I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
