pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so that wasnt chicken after all
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
