I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
