She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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