i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
