It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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