2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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