we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
